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She rarely says right out that she thinks you're inadequate.She'll spoil your pleasure in something by simply congratulating you for it in an angry, envious voice that conveys how unhappy she is, again, completely deniably.The times and locations of her worst abuses are carefully chosen so that no one who might intervene will hear or see her bad behavior, and she will seem like a completely different person in public.She'll slam you to other people, but will always embed her devaluing nuggets of snide gossip in protestations of concern, love and understanding ("I feel so sorry for poor Cynthia.She doesn't care about those people or the justice of your complaints.

She's also careful about when and how she engages in her abuses.Your time is committed without consulting you, and opinions purported to be yours are expressed for you. She keeps tabs on your bodily functions and humiliates you by divulging the information she gleans, especially when it can be used to demonstrate her devotion and highlight her martyrdom to your needs ("Mike had that problem with frequent urination too, only his was much worse. ") You have never known what it is like to have privacy in the bathroom or in your bedroom, and she goes through your things regularly.She asks nosy questions, snoops into your email/letters/diary/conversations.The scapegoat has no needs and instead gets to do the caring. That division will be fostered by the narcissist with lies and with blatantly unfair and favoritizing behavior.The golden child will defend the mother and indirectly perpetuate the abuse by finding reasons to blame the scapegoat for the mother's actions.

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